I try hard to be attentive when listening and it takes effort—my mind has a tendency to race. The key is to be in the moment with whatever the other person is saying. I take note of the words and the phrasing, look at facial expressions, watch what the hands are doing and how the person is standing, sitting, or lying. My life and that of the other person’s is in that moment; so I practice being grateful and respectful of it by paying attention to the conversation. It’s called mindful listening.
Along with being in the moment, mindful listening also requires being comfortable with the silence. So many times we think we have to fill in those awkward moments when, in the course of a conversation, there’s a pause, long or short. A lot can be shared in silence, so don’t miss it by filling in the gaps with something meaningless.
Equally important is limiting interruptions. All too often people think they know where a conversation is headed, so they’ll interject with lots of questions and/or advice. Don’t make any assumptions while in the middle of listening because you’ll probably be wrong. Remember, too, that many times people just need someone to listen. Whether it’s sharing some exciting news, explaining a situation, or expressing grief, just let that person talk until they’re finished. If you’re a good listener, you’ll know when that is.
To really show a person you’re listening to them, make sustained eye contact. Checking out what’s going on around you or waving to someone else in the room, for example, is not attentive listening. It is discourteous and disrespectful. It tells the other person you’re not really there for them. Imagine how hurtful that can be if what they’re sharing is something really important to them.
If you want to become a more mindful listener, here are some articles you might like to check out: